deuces...

so...here are 2 things I've been wanting to talk about for weeks now...first thing being...why do people lie? Especially to the ones who care for them the most...is it that they think they know what's best? Is it that they don't wanna hurt them or lose them? what ever the reason...it just goes to show human nature...we are all fearful of the future...no one wants to truly believe in anything wonderful again...it seems as though love just doesn't exist anymore...especially amongst my generation, only lies and shadows of it...(refer to my 1st blog about love) anyways...the most scary thing of all....is when I see people lying...to themselves....and doing it so well...that they even start to believe their own lie...and its becomes the truth in their own world...they've successfully convinced themselves of it and seek approval of others but only do so with the people they know will be easily influenced in doing so...this, so doing, they enable themselves to move on...as it may...from the situation from which they've formulated the lie for...and in the end clearing their conscience of what may or may not have been something significantly bothering them...this is one of man's greatest downfalls and as we all don't really have a way to counter it...especially when after we "run away from it all" and reality eventually catches up...thats when it smacks you in the face *wattap* you know its coming but you just couldn't prepare well enough for it...so to avoid this its pretty simple...hard at the same time ....but simple nonetheless....STOP LYING...be honest about your mistakes and even your short comings....those that forgive will remain there forever...those that don't....don't deserve to be around...forgiveness yes...even God has shown how well it works...


so my second thing is this...what is moving on? is it growing to become a better person?....or is it forgiving and forgetting and going back to the way you were?...cuz if what you were doing was right by you and by those around you...heck everyone's telling you that....should you change? should you be a different person to who you were before?....tough isn't it?....nawww....everyone will change over time...and everyone has faults....so all that bullshit about "I'm not gonna change for anyone and they shouldn't ask me too!" should be a thing of the past...we all need to change...at least changing out bad habits and stuff like that....so as I've been doing for the past few weeks....changing....it's me using what I've learnt....from all the mistakes of the past...(even the most recent ones)...to become a better person....but still retain the essence that is me...so to all those who wanna be delusional and think you're "perfect" just the way you are...umm....reality check!...YOU ARE NOT...and the sooner you begin to realize that...the sooner you can MOVE ON...be a better you...you may not have to go around posing as though you're so much better off now...cause if all you want is approval from friends who may not even be true friends...then you've done nothing but started digging a deeper hole for yourself to fall in...cause KARMA is a BITCH....being a better you could be on the inside...never has to be aesthetic...remember your mistakes, those caught in the cross fire, those you directly hurt and even the collateral damage...and seek to ensure you never repeat that again...not even a SECOND TIME...because when you look at the flashback of your life, you'll realize, and hearing another "I told you so" from someone just aint gonna cut it...

leaving you with these words...live life for God...not for you....not for the world and definitely not for your friends and family...and happiness will eternally be yours...

SO...WHEN THE SMOKE CLEARS...WHAT'S LEFT?

its been awhile...i know lol...anyways...i've been going tru alot of mess in my life that i jus needed to process...and while i'm still doing so, i believe a blog was in order...who cares if its not. Lets look at this familiar issue for some, heard of by others, experienced often by many...what happens when a relationship has ended? what do we do from now on? where do we go? who else is affected besides the obvious 2 parties involved?....fleck that...relationships can go sour, parties can cheat, and well as some would call it...."irreconcilable differences"...thats a divorce terminology tho, not for what I'm going for...thats more for those people, IN MY OPINION, that are too afraid to work on something that maybe worth it and because they are scared that they may have to take responsibility for their actions they run away...what ever tho, thats them, what i'm getting at is this...after a relationship mutual friends are also affected, an more so cus they are now at the cross roads where they will have to try their best to be neutral or eventually take sides, where from then on they may no longer be mutual friends...sucks when people fleck up something good, i guess they jus get bored with how calm, mellow, and simple a relationship maybe....an well some decide to become cheaters, or jus leave out of sheer boredom..all these factors add up to a pot of ingredients for a disaster of a meal....friends are affected...family members also cuz they now have to "ignore" the other party that they're not related to as well...this world can become so complex its no longer fun to live in, an well from my experience its what happened to me...my trust was shattered in an individual and whilst i was trying to put back those pieces of the mirror of trust...i was left in the dust for someone who had a brand new mirror...twice...another group to look at when a relationship ends , providing its WASN'T mutual, is the party that was left by the other half in the relationship....why would a former lover want to be friends? to torture the other person an show them that they cud also be happy with someone else? isnt it true that if u loved something/one set them free, if its truly yours it'll come back to u..but what if....WHAT IF...love wasn't in the 1st place? that means that when the dust clears...all thats left are...sad mutual friends who are in for a struggle, family trying to comfort the broken hearted, family celebrating with the one who is supposedly "happier" now...and well....one broken heart...this broken heart chose to blog about this but being honest, i dont think it will ever repair it self fully for anyone else...but thats just for now....I hope....its funny how sooooooo many people wanna offer advice in these situations when all you've asked them was to simply listen...when people give advice, especially to the sensitive ones, they tend to be influenced easily into making DUMB decisions, most of the time , WRONG in their choices....to me...a lot of women know what they want and feel they absolutely have to get it....but they rarely ever know what they need and whats good for them....when the dust settles....all prior bad decisions soon become clear...as well as their consequences....and a few theories seem to emerge in my mind...some are...A.W.B....i.e. all women bad...funny as it is...i think this maybe be right....like the reverse of the catch-phrase of the law...where all women are bad until proven innocent...i wish those who get into future relationships dont make those kinds of mistakes again...i pray for them to guard your hearts but dont be afraid to open up sometimes and give them a peak of your heart...metaphorically speaking....LOL...anyways whilst i head to bed i wanna leave u with some questions...if u had a failed relationship,why be judgmental of those that aren't involved?...

well another question is.....is it still worth fighting for? let logic take over and things will be easier...is this person you love really worth fighting for? can you see said person in your future?

now the old saying goes..."its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"...how ever its phrased, it means the experience of loving someone trumps losing them....to those that hate me...i'm glad that you all fuel me...to all my friends you all are the best...help you see the way out of impossible situations....over all live you life, not around anyone...keep in mind a normal relationship is NOT a marriage, so there are no divorces nor are they any collateral damage...only friends and family...so here's a toast to long lasting relationships..may they last even longer.....an may every one...not end up lonely...God Bless...happiness to all i wish...:)

your world? my world?...or is it OUR world?..

So these past few days I've been complaining that a lot of people seem to be living in their "own world". What does this mean you may ask? means that I think that they hold their opinions, views, morals as the only ones that exist and/or the only ones that should rule over all in their scope. To me, this is unfair, and before I go on I will admit to being just like "these people" at times, but i unlike most i am willing to admit it and try to deal with this however, the extent of my "handicap" so to speak, is nowhere near that of those i am talking about.

Lately I'm seeing many people express themselves both over msn and facebook social networks and well, they set their status as their opinion sometimes yet, when someone else comments on and dares to suggest their opinion which either is something totally different to said person's status or just a significant deviation of it, that person is criticized or chastised and/or written-off as holding a valid opinion, both presently and in future conversations. So my question is...well scratch that, read over my topic and you'll get it. Any answers? Can't answer it for sure? Thought so....see the thing is, we all live in each other's "worlds" and we need to learn to live in them, however, we also need to realize that our opinions are not the only ones that exist, even if we know them to be tried and true, and whether others are wrong or not, unless we can genuinely see others' ideals/opinions leading them to some physical harm or emotional distress , we need to let bygones be bygones.

This also brings me to the age old war between modernism and traditionalism. Some of us prefer the former and others, the latter. Yet I ask...why not the best of both worlds in this case? why can't chivalry survive and women and men still have equal rights to get jobs,etc? maybe thats just nature yes. I will admit the world is changing, slowly but surely, but as nature would intend it, there are some things that men are better suited for than women. I'll leave that alone tho, but I will tie this point back to the topic at hand, people who think traditionally often think that modernism is all against it and vice versa. I don't believe so, both can exist in my world, however right is right and wrong is wrong, for e.g. statistics show that infidelity occurs more often now in couples than in previous decades, I'll only point out that to note that as modernization has its negative side-effects as well, traditionalism also has its downsides as can be seen with parents raising their children with "one-tracked minds" leading to them being opinionated and not willing to tolerate others' beliefs.

This is a world of many races, cultures, beliefs and we all need to realize the quicker we accept those different to us and move on, the easier it will be to live amongst each other and those that share similar beliefs and opinions and eventually find each other and in the end, you will realize that you really weren't alone in "your world" but rather there are others like you and others not like you but willing to live and let live, doing this will create a better future even for a small island nation like Trinidad and Tobago where if we develop the mentality of unity and progressiveness, there'll be no need to think with one-track minds and maybe this vision 2020 will come to pass....

the doctor's in....and it's time for a diagnosis...

Politics...an unwanted legacy...

So it's that time again, the time when we all have to hear the many, many political ads, slander, propaganda, etc...blah blah blah. A time where local radio and television stations are flooded with paid political "messages". To me, a lot of the negativity associated with politics has been passed down to us, the younger generation.

Our culture is one where the elders feel the need to share their wisdom and experience with the younger ones. This is common in most cultures, however, with trinbagonian culture, all wisdom and experiences are shared even those that have no positive effect on the future generations to come. So doing, we find ourselves in towns, villages, and cities where we have younger people's opinions being heavily influenced by the older generations. From my own personal experiences I can say that many times I've heard little children shouting "I want (party A) to win!" or "(party B) better than the (party C) so I want them to win!". Now many of these children have not the slightest clue as to why they want said party to win, just that their dad/mom, grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, etc, voted for them and in their minds the other party is always bad or wrong hence they want the one that their elders voted for to win.

Now if our elders are "programming" , so to speak, our younger generations to vote for who they want them to vote for and not necessarily who is right, then why are we confused as to why this country is in the mess it is today? Seriously, why do elders feel the need to force their opinions on their children? If a political party has real potential for the betterment of this country, do they really have a chance given that many of the "young people's" minds have already been made-up for them? This issue goes as far as racialism but thats for another blog, although I WILL say this... no matter what, politics in Trinidad and Tobago is racially driven. It may not be wholly so but in my opinion its significantly so. Is it so much to ask that parents grow their children in an environment where they are free to decide who they want to vote for and why they want to vote for them ? If this can happen then as the younger generations become more educated they will realize that they don't have to vote for a political party because their elders did, they will vote for the party they think will benefit our country when put in power.

Then, life will be pretty simple, vote for who's better for the country and who will make Trinidad and Tobago a better place. I refuse to believe that as educated citizens we would choose to grow up our offspring in a world where they do not know what it is to decide for themselves and formulate their own opinions. So given that this blog was politically driven I leave asking readers this...When you are going to vote, before you do, ask yourself "why are you voting for said party?" If you can honestly say you are doing so because this is what you want and believe in, good job, if you really can't find a legitimate reason, take a look at the cover pic for this blog...

What is Love?

"Baby don't hurt me, no more"...*remembers "night at the roxbury" and shakes head to music* lol....seriously though...what is love?

As we all grow up we all grow to believe in our own definitions of love either by our own definitions, by others' influences, or from our lifelong experiences. To me love is the greatest emotion a being can feel, its what helps show us that we really were created in the image of God himself. I believe that what makes God, God, is the fact that He truly knows how to love. His love is the greatest thing in the universe, why u ask? Because his love is unconditional, his love is wonderful, his love isn't selfish nor is it limited to any human influence. Now don't get me wrong, we are all capable of loving someone, we just may not live the life we're supposed to live if we truly love, i.e. a life of eternal happiness, one without fights, arguments, insecurities,etc.

Onto the dark side of this moon; love can also bring about the worst feelings a human being can go through , for love, misplaced in someone who doesn't truly return it, leaves that person open for hurt, not just any kinda hurt but the worst kind. Some say its more painful than pulling teeth without sedation/painkillers, others say they would rather die. So with examples like those who would want to love? you wanna know who? It's those that are willing to risk being at their worst, feeling like life is against them, feeling as though God has forsaken them, just to feel Happy, not just a temporary happiness but Happiness that fulfills your life. True love maybe one of the ways we can get closer to God. That being said, love is not limited to just loving your partner, e.g boyfriend,girlfriend, wife, husband, love can be towards a best friend, your parents, siblings, other relatives. Love knows no bounds, thats my point. It's not restricted to any area of interest, love can be shown, felt ,shared, even passed on.

I must admit, I am a sucker for love. I love almost everyone in my life that have shown some sort of real feelings towards me, be it friend, family even female interests. I must also admit, I'm in love with a lady, it is the greatest feeling in my life but its also contributed to my feeling my worst as I have been hurt terribly, I have reached stages so bad I didn't think I ever wake up the next day, I've also seen my worst fears of being in a relationship come to reality. Yea it sucked, some aspects still do, but , God as my witness, those moments of being happy and making her happy, just those few moments, make me realize how alive I could feel. Just those feelings, those times, of happiness show me, reiterate to me, that loving her IS worth it, will be worth it, shall be worth it. However, this love has no future if it's not returned and at this point in time I just don't know. So all I can do, is to trust in God that what ever happens, happens for the best.

Yes I really just did make you read a sappy story, LOL. I am trying to "show" you all that I write from some experience. As someone reading this I want to let you know something, NEVER give up an opportunity to love, it's what makes Human, it's what gives us purpose, what's the use in living life, getting a good job and being successful if you have no one to share it with? just a thought...I pray that we all can someday love and be loved in return....and now I leave you with the most accurate definition I know of what love is.... :

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)